“Getting married is like a cannon. You shoot it off and it is tricky to make course corrections unless you run into something really hard.” (MW).
The choice to marry is life changing and among the most important a person will make. Where does this choice start? In the last blog I mentioned the steps leading up to marriage, and how in today’s society we often slide from one to next rather than taking distinctive steps. The slide and step from courtship to engagement is the same action but the performance is what makes the difference. The proposal, does it really matter?
While scrolling on social media, we can easily find pictures or videos of men “Popping the Question” to their partner. But how much of that question is a surprise? Has the girl seen the ring prior to the event? Is the photographer getting paid? The proposal has almost become a show to the world announcing that a couple has finally made the decision. Then we read the comment on their post and see they already have a date and sometimes a location set. It makes you wonder when they really decided to get married. This event used to be more or less a surprise. The only indication that the future bride would have is that the man may have asked for her ring size and what she likes. The question was more of a definite step and a true commitment.
The step of engagement is all about decisions and commitment. Choices and decisions for marriage prep, future marriage, and the upcoming wedding. This includes the budget of wedding and life and responsibilities of the individuals once the knot gets tied. This is why the step of engagement is so crucial and shouldn’t be skipped. Deciding before the wedding will make it so much easier when those choices first come up.
Finally the transition from fiances to husband and wife, the wedding. The first four hours of your marriage is often for friends and family to come congratulate the newlyweds and their families. Often weddings can really break the bank of many involved. The average cost of a wedding in the US is roughly $30,000. That is quite the amount for a one day event. I have four married siblings, I can see how a wedding can be expensive. However, they do not have to be overtop with everything. So how does the couple normally pay for all of it? Well the typical three options of outside help are: parents pay, delaying the marriage, or taking out a loan. All three options don’t have the greatest effect on the new marriage. Taking a loan and going in debt early on in the marriage can easily turn the motivations towards money and paying off the debt rather than growing the newly formed commitment. Delaying the marriage often leads to cohabitation. And if parents pay for the wedding, it leads to unspoken or spoken obligations to the ones who paid, and this would gradually lead to small rifts in the marriage.
The step of engagement and the transition of the wedding event are very crucial to the starting of the promise of marriage. If done right, the marriage of a couple could start in an amazing way leading to only a better future with each other.
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